life, love, loss...love

a couple weeks ago, Jordan and i got an email from a producer who works at channel 11, one of the local news stations in new york. she informed us that they wanted to feature the love story of a nyc couple for valentine's day, and they were hoping to interview us for the segment.

we were pretty excited and honored, so we quickly agreed. a few days later, a tv crew and long-time ny tv personality, mr. g, were in our living room asking us questions about our lives -- and all of the tragedy, suffering, surprise, and joy that has made up the last five years.

during one part of the interview, we walked down 8th ave in harlem, talking to mr. g as we were filmed. it was pretty hilarious to see people stealthily snap photos of us with their camera phones. my guess is that they were thinking, "i have no idea who these people are, but i'm gonna take their pic in case they happen to be somebody." ha!

while we were really excited for the piece to air, it's pretty nerve-wracking to sit for a two-hour interview and know it will be condensed into a four-minute segment. thankfully, we had a lot of faith in the crew and their skills.

on friday, february 14, we made our way to queens so we could watch the segment live with Jordan's 86-year-old grandmother. it was amazing to see her reaction and to receive her encouragement after it aired. Jordan was smiling from ear to ear. i shed a few tears (what else is new?). and we were both really happy to see how the segment included beautiful photos of Jarronn and Danielle.

you can watch the segment by clicking the link below.

It's A G Thing: Life, Love, Loss...Love: Follow the Journey of Jessica and Jordan. This is a story about a newlywed couple who found each other, only after both losing their significant others in the most tragic way.

on being social

the semester is winding down, so i've spent most of my time trying to wrap up loose ends on final projects, assignments, and presentations. two weeks to go, so i'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

in the midst of all this busy-ness, i've, of course, found time to fit in a healthy share of social interactions. everyone who knows me well knows i have trouble saying no to invitations for get-togethers, lunches, dinners, celebrations, outings, and such. always have. probably always will.

but it's not such a bad thing. in fact, interacting with all of the different people i've come to know is probably more fulfilling than anything else in life.

there's the comfort in my parents. the loyalty of my high school friends. the lunacy and compassion of my co-workers. the intelligence and inspiration in my classmates. a spectrum of beauty and aspirations in my girl friends. the protection, realness, and boyish antics of my guy friends. the possibilities for the future i imagine because of new friends. the encouragement found in messages from people i hardly speak to. the warmth of smiles from strangers that pass me by. the reminders of Jarronn's legacy as an amazing friend in the hundreds of people he brought into my life.

yes, i'd be lying if i didn't admit that some interactions are accompanied by winces of pain. sadness that Jarronn isn't here to be apart of them. to insert his perspective. his joke. his tap on my knee under the table. his post-interaction analysis. his hand-clapping laugh. his smile. his warmth. his knack for being such a good judge of character. his role as my partner.

but, ultimately, these interactions are sustaining me. they make me thankful. they make me recognize my blessings. they make my lack seem little, or even non-existent.

and though most aren't new relationships, they all somehow put me further along the path of finding the new jessica.

thanks for that.

an example

this morning i attended a funeral. the grandmother of my Godsisters -- mrs. kirk, as i called her -- passed away. in some ways, funerals have taken on a whole new meaning for me. now that i've had to plan out the details. give the remarks. sit in the front row. as i sat in my seat, i was struck by the fact that whether a person has lived a full life or has been sick for years or dies suddenly, a loss is a loss. even for those of us who fully believe that there's life beyond physical death.

while i experienced my share of tears, it was a beautiful service for a beautiful woman. a woman who exuded grace and love. and a woman who i truly admired. she was a wife. a mother. a teacher for more than 25 years. a great cook. a great card player. and she encouraged her granddaughters to "play the game of life successfully, effectively, and ethically, even in a world where the men were born with four aces in hand."

while many people know me as the one who can be lively and tell stories and laugh loudly, there's a part of me that wishes i was like mrs. kirk. that i had a quiet confidence. an unspoken steadiness. sophisticated beauty. a tender voice known for its wisdom.

mrs. kirk and her husband, dr. kirk, were married for more than 63 years. (in fact, he made sure to mention during his remarks that they were married for "63 and a half years.") when i looked at them together, i saw the kind of marriage i hoped to have for myself. one of commitment. and devotion. and love. a marriage that had built a beautiful family with lawyers and engineers and doctors. a marriage that had built traditions and instilled values. a marriage that made the world a better place. a marriage that truly represented the intertwining of two lives.

she and her husband set the example.

during her eulogy, her pastor turned to dr. kirk and spoke of how intertwined their lives had been. how she feared the thought of being without him. that the renewing of their vows last summer, on their 63rd wedding anniversary, had been such a special way to tell her that she'd never go without him. that at a time when she felt that her illness was such a burden, her husband reminded her of his undying love. and the pastor spoke of how while it may be difficult, dr. kirk is giving a gift to mrs. kirk by being the one to bear the loneliness, as opposed to the other way around.

wow. perhaps i can look at my own situation like this. perhaps my faith was stronger and able to bear this level of loss in a way that Jarronn could not have. would not have. perhaps my continuing on is me giving him a gift. the gift of dying and resting at his happiest -- successful in faith. in love. in friendship. in health. in career. in living life passionately.

so amazing

my mom took me to dinner by the water last night. we ate with some of her friends and shared some good conversation, although it can be hard to be in social settings for long periods of time.

a musician on the deck sang pop songs over keyboard music. at one point, he started singing luther vandross's song "so amazing." it reminded me of a time i went to dinner with a few female friends a couple years ago. we were eating at indeblue in d.c., and i asked the ladies how their relationships were going. two of them responded with a lukewarm "ok." i was less than satisfied with this response! from everything i knew about both of their boyfriends, i expected much more enthusiasm. i inquired about why their responses lacked luster and neither seemed to really have an explanation. they then asked me how things were with Jarronn, and after lacking the proper words to explain how great things were, i broke into my rendition of "so amazing" -- doing luther's song little justice.

"love has truly been good to me
not even one sad day
or minute have i had since you've come my way
i hope you know i'd gladly go
anywhere you'd take me
it's so amazing to be loved
i'd follow you to the moon in the sky above...

"and it's so amazing, amazing
i could stay forever, forever
here in love and no, leave you never
'cause we've got amazing love"

i think my friends were stunned and perhaps embarrassed for me, lol. they also made fun of me for the next two years. did jessica really just bust into song over her man?! but the truth is that it really was that good. and one thing that has brought me some peace in this situation is knowing that i fully appreciated what i had with Jarronn -- while i had it. i didn't take any phone call, kiss, or gesture for granted. and i let him know how much it all meant to me. if your relationship is really 'just ok', that's one thing. but if it's wonderful, you should say so and do so, while you have the opportunity.