happy 32nd

happy birthday Jarronn.

yesterday was his 32nd birthday, and i did my best to honor him.

i got out of bed. (i'm told this shouldn't be underestimated).
i ran three miles. (he was big on working out and getting me to do the same).
i went to the hairdresser. (he fully supported personal pampering and probably thought i should have indulged even more).
i went to woodend sanctuary, the spot where we got married. also the spot where his family and i planted a holly bush in his honor.
i shed a few tears, mainly in thinking about how many people out there miss Jarronn. i tend to feel the weight of that on days like these.
i took in the sun.
i took my time.

it was beautiful here in d.c. yesterday, which made the time at woodend really nice. after the wedding, people who attended joked about how during the ceremony, the deer seemed to emerge from the fields on cue. and after about 30 minutes there yesterday, they did the same. this seems special, but when i thought about it, the deer live there. so really, i should expect to see them by now. still -- it's always a pleasant surprise, and i appreciated the reason to smile.

feel free to get your national geographic on and watch as these four-legged friends try to scope out who i am and go back and forth between "she's interesting." and "i don't care." and then "but maybe i do."

wedding vows, part II

thanks for all of the lovely comments about yesterday's post.

in the lead up to our wedding, Jarronn repeatedly begged me not to outdo him with my vows. he'd remind me over and over that we were aiming for a minute or so of talking, and that he didn't want me to write something too eloquent that made him look bad. well, if you read his vows, you'd know that there was no chance of him being outdone. i was pretty blown away. and in my head, i thought, "i'm going to kill this guy for outdoing me!"

but in the end, what meant the most is that we both meant what we said. and knew it. before God. and all of our family and friends.

wedding vows
may 15, 2009
by Jessica Moreland

Jarronn –

Without knowing it, you’ve transformed my thoughts about love. Where I once doubted the notion of true, head-over-heels, totally devoted love, it is through you that I have come to learn that it really does exist. I thank you for accepting me for the person I am. For challenging me to become the woman I’m purposed to be. For sharing in my triumphs and encouraging me in times of disappointment. And for making it your personal mission to keep me laughing. {{ad lib}} -- As was exemplified here today. (smile)

There are days when seeing you, and knowing that we have each other, makes every challenge of life seem small. Loving you feels effortless. But on days when it may feel difficult, I vow to still love you. To show you patience, kindness, forgiveness, and support. I vow to encourage you and not tear you down. I vow to trust you in leading me and our family. I vow to honor you as my husband, to accept your imperfections, and to recognize the greatness inside of you. 

I vow to keep God first, and work to make our relationship one that brings Him glory. I vow to pray for you and your strength. And I vow to depend on God to make me the wife you need throughout the different stages of our lives.

It’s my prayer that I’ll be able to look into these same eyes 50 years from now. I couldn’t be happier to be marrying my best friend. I couldn’t be more honored to become Mrs. Jarronn Jackson. And I couldn’t be more excited to spend the rest of my life with you.

wedding vows, part I

saturday is our wedding anniversary. the lead up has been a bit rough.

in the planning of our wedding, Jarronn and i decided that in addition to the more formal, traditional vows, we would also write and share our own. those of you who were at the wedding, know how special the vows were. those of you who weren't, may have heard about them. and some of you have asked to see them.

so i figured that in the lead up to saturday, it would be appropriate to share them. today we'll start with Jarronn's. tomorrow will be mine -- same as the order in which they were recited. the words and emphasis are exactly the way he typed them. (the quotation marks and underlining were inserted by Jarronn -- typically as his places of emphasis and humor.) hope you enjoy the picture of our love.

wedding vows
may 15, 2009
by Jarronn Jackson

Jessica Alicia Moreland also known as Chatty, sometimes known as Babylove, commonly known as Boo,

As we stand here today, I continue to be in awe of how omnipotent and wise our God is.  Throughout our relationship you have been my homegirl, my support, my best friend, and the love of my life…and today I will finally call you my wife.

I vow to you that I will take the responsibility that God has entrusted in me to lead our lives together and be a responsible, considerate, open-minded, and ever-loving husband.

I promise to love you in the way that you need to be loved by listening to you, compromising with you, and praying for you.

I promise to keep our love "fresh," by following the old wisdom of "whatever you did to get her, you have to do to keep her" and finding new things for us to discover and enjoy together.

I promise to keep our love "fun," by being spontaneous, and continuing to "date" you throughout our marriage.

I also promise to accept the vulnerability that comes with loving you so completely and unconditionally.

I promise that I will "try" to not let the pride of a man cloud my judgment in our marriage; and if it does, I vow to be "man" enough to admit when I am wrong.

I promise to give you not only the euphoric, intimate, and romantic "eros" love, but to love you completely, always. Eros, philos, and agape. With this agape love, this selfless, unconditional love, I promise to always work and always try. Through the years, I may need a reminder of this, but we can always go to the DVD!

With these promises that I have made to you today, I cannot guarantee that I will be all things, always, but I promise to always try and be an active participant in our marriage. Prayerfully, as we look back on our marriage many, many years down the road, we will see that all of these promises have been fulfilled.

It is with these vows that I pledge my unconditional love to you today and always!

photos

it's a late night. got homework to do. but facebook "notified" me that someone likes one of my photos. one of my wedding photos. and so after looking at that one photo, i proceeded to look through the rest in the album. all 157. i know the moments by heart. but i get so caught up in looking at them. caught up in the smiles. and the love. love for each other and love from friends and family around us. and caught up in the joy. pure, unadulterated joy. Jarronn was so happy that day. i was so happy that day. he insisted that our wedding was "perfect," and didn't want to hear me say otherwise.


most times, looking at photos of Jarronn makes me smile. i remember the trips, the jokes, the special moments. but every so often, there's a photo of him looking the camera lense square in the "eye." and i stare back. feeling like he's looking directly at me. on the other side of the screen. on the other side of life. sometimes this makes me feel silly or a little crazy. sometimes it makes me want to reach out and touch his face and feel his smiling cheeks in my hands.

sometimes, like tonight, it makes me cry.