signs

two nights ago, at 11:34 p.m., as i straightened up my room, i compulsively picked up my blackberry to check for new email messages.

and i had one.

i opened my inbox and saw the sender name was Jarronn Jackson. written in bold. jumping off the screen. my heart jumped. at first, i thought it had to be that i was reading the subject line, not the sender. so i stared. and i hesitated to open it.

when i did, i found a random message with a few words and a hyperlink. spam. it made no sense.

i closed the message. put down my phone. but as i put away the ironing board, i asked myself, "what had i hoped to find?"

perhaps a long lost message that had been trapped in cyberspace for over a year was finally going to reach me. or some kind of supernatural occurrence would allow Jarronn to communicate with me from another realm. i looked at his picture on my wall. reminded myself that this isn't a movie. this is real life.

and as much as i might hope for the supernatural, i have to settle for the small signs. things like a beautiful sunset, orbs in photos, songs on the radio playing at just the right time, or receiving the passage read on our wedding day in my inbox on july 30:

("Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Colossians 3:12-17)

these are my signs. my messages. i'm not even really sure what they tell me. and i try not to look for them or look too deep. but i appreciate them. and i hope they keep coming.