in Jarronn's honor: Race to Donate 5K

if you've been reading my blog for awhile, you may recall me writing about my experience with the washington regional transplant community (wrtc). Jarronn was an organ and tissue donor, and after he died, knowing that his body gave "life" to other people was a bit of a comfort. in addition, the WRTC was a big support to me after his death and does the same for hundreds of other donor families. they assign a special representative to every family and send regular letters and pieces of literature related to managing loss and host various support groups. i kept a lot of their literature around the house for inspiration and comfort.

wrtc hosts an annual Race to Donate Life 5K, and i've created a team for anyone who wants to participate -- both as a way to honor Jarronn and to support a worthy cause.

participants in the 5K can choose to walk or run. i'm planning to run, because Jron always pushed me when it came to exercising. i'd love for you to be there! everyone is welcome to participate (really, i mean that), whether you knew Jarronn, me, or just happen to keep up with me here.

below are some of the key details:

• when: sunday, June 10, 2012 at 9:00 a.m.
 race day packet pickup/registration begins at 7:30 a.m.
• where: occoquan town hall (16 miles south of capital beltway) - 
314 mill street, 
historic occoquan, va 22125 
(take I-95 to exit 160.  merge onto VA-123 N/gordon blvd toward Occoquan/Lake Ridge.)
• 
cost: $30/adult, $5/child before june 8. after june 8, cost is $35/adult, $10/child

i created a team under the name 'Team Jarronn.' to register, use the link below!

register here

some have already asked how they can support this effort if they're unable to attend on june 10. one of the biggest ways is to become an organ donor if you aren't one already. currently, there are more than 114,000 people on the national transplant waiting list, desperately awaiting a life-saving organ. every day 18 people die because there aren't enough organs available. you can register as an organ, eye and tissue donor whenever obtaining or renewing your driver's license or do it online today by clicking here.

you can also build more awareness about organ donation by taking advantage of a newly launched feature on facebook. zuckerberg seems pretty pumped (as much as he can be) about this effort.

hope you can join us on June 10!

alright

"everything will be alright" is not the same as "everything will stay the same."
      - seth godin (a blogger i tend to not be able to get enough of)

i wish these two phrases could be guaranteed in the same breath. but, alas, they typically can't. that can be hard to grasp, and it might take some real intention and work on our parts to come to grips with it. because when we get comfortable with a state, we tend to have a hard time imagining how something different could, in fact, also be alright.

what's nice about the first part of the phrase is that it comes with a bit more assuredness. everything really will be alright if we open ourselves to it.

but that "stay the same" concept is pretty tricky and pretty impossible. things change. things keep moving forward around us, whether we like it or not. people change their minds, change their addresses, and even change from earthly beings into something we can't fully understand.

it's different. it's hard.

but again...

everything. will. be. alright.

change is

change is the only constant.

sometimes that's good. sometimes it's just a fact.

sometimes it's sad. especially when something you cared about, that felt familiar and consistent, isn't or can't be anything more than a memory on which you reflect.

wondering how or why it changed. measuring the distance between the past and the current reality.

but my mom is a wise woman, and i'll reflect on one of her phrases:

live the moment fully, love it joyfully, leave it gratefully... 
- jennifer tomlinson moreland

direction

i've never been the type to have a five- or ten-year plan. perhaps a bit when it came to those typical lifetime aspirations, like buy a house around this age, get married around such and such age, and start popping out kids no later than that age. i've also had aspirations for different things. a particular job, a professional degree, a certain level of income.

but for the most part, i've never been one of those highly focused people who has this model life or profession they're striving toward. i've never really felt like i had one major passion that i wanted to pursue. i've never identified this thing i'm destined to do.

experiencing significant loss in 2009 didn't make the situation any better. any small sense of goals i had lost their luster, and all those lifetime aspirations i mentioned earlier really seemed to be thrown out the window. more so than ever before, i began to just float. and like the title of my blog says, it was more important to just take things one day at a time.

even in my floating, i managed to take on and achieve some big things. a master's degree. a freelancing career. travel. a whole lot of paper work. new relationships. a move. and yet, in the last few months i've felt more and more of an urge to identify some kind of direction for myself. not to say that i'm lost. i have a good sense of God, life, and self. but i could use some more direction. maybe it's the fact that i'm getting closer to 30. or i'm being too hard on myself. or maybe i've gotten to the point where grief no longer consumes so much of my energy.

whatever the cause, i'm feeling the need to run toward something.

"if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. he will pass an invisible boundary; new, universal, and more liberal laws will begin to establish themselves around and within him; and he will live with the license of a higher order of beings." - henry david thoreau

happy 32nd

happy birthday Jarronn.

yesterday was his 32nd birthday, and i did my best to honor him.

i got out of bed. (i'm told this shouldn't be underestimated).
i ran three miles. (he was big on working out and getting me to do the same).
i went to the hairdresser. (he fully supported personal pampering and probably thought i should have indulged even more).
i went to woodend sanctuary, the spot where we got married. also the spot where his family and i planted a holly bush in his honor.
i shed a few tears, mainly in thinking about how many people out there miss Jarronn. i tend to feel the weight of that on days like these.
i took in the sun.
i took my time.

it was beautiful here in d.c. yesterday, which made the time at woodend really nice. after the wedding, people who attended joked about how during the ceremony, the deer seemed to emerge from the fields on cue. and after about 30 minutes there yesterday, they did the same. this seems special, but when i thought about it, the deer live there. so really, i should expect to see them by now. still -- it's always a pleasant surprise, and i appreciated the reason to smile.

feel free to get your national geographic on and watch as these four-legged friends try to scope out who i am and go back and forth between "she's interesting." and "i don't care." and then "but maybe i do."

moneyball

so this past sunday was oscar night, and while one movie came away empty-handed in all of its nominated categories, it still has a special place in my heart.

moneyball.

the baseball movie, with brad pitt. based on the true story of the oakland a's and their general manager's attempt to "change the game."

getting to australia was no short trip. (six hours from dc to san francisco and another 14 hours from san francisco to sydney). so i got to watch a lot of movies. moneyball happened to be shown on two legs of my trip. and i watched it twice. not just out of boredom, but because i really liked it.

at one point in the movie, billy beane (brad pitt) is with his daughter, and she plays him a song on her guitar. she has a beautiful voice, and it's a wonderful portrayal of a sweet moment between an encouraging, loving father and a talented, but unsure daughter (in fact, the look on brad pitt's face during minute 1:37-1:42 really gets me).

the movie introduced me to the song, which is performed by an artist named lenka. and the lyrics made me love the song, which does a great job capturing a lot of what i often feel.

here's a clip from the movie....



i'm just a little bit caught in the middle
life is a maze, and love is a riddle
i don't know where to go
can't do it alone, i've tried
and i don't know why

i am just a little girl lost in the moment
i'm so scared, but i don't show it
i can't figure it out
it's bringing me down, i know
i've got to let it go
and just enjoy the show

new experiences

though it may not seem like it, i'm still here.

it's certainly been awhile, and it seems that whenever a lengthy time has passed since my last post, i feel like the post that brings me back should be pretty significant. but i've realized that kind of thinking tends to keep me away. so i've made up my mind that even if it's not that exciting, or if it sounds like the same sad tune, i'm going get things out here. after all, writing here has helped me make it to this point -- a place i think is considerably good -- and i don't want to stop my progress now.

so what has been going on in the last few months?

i've been working hard at my business (something i haven't talked much about here, but i will in the future).

i took an amazing trip to australiaaaa (say it in your best oprah winfrey voice, please). with need for only one window seat. my two weeks there were wonderful for lots of reasons. for the beautiful views. for the chances to meet new people. for the new experience of traveling on my own. for the books i got to read (johnathan livingston seagull, by richard bach. the help, by kathryn stockett. me talk pretty one day, by david sedaris. and mere christianity, by c.s. lewis). for the time i was afforded to reflect and process.

i learned lots of things about myself and life in those two weeks. things i'll likely share here. the first that comes to mind and that i'll share today...new experiences help you move forward.

i've known this for awhile actually. but taking on the new experience of traveling half-way around the world by myself definitely reinforced the lesson. when we experience loss, we want to hold onto the past. that's natural, and it makes sense. but living through past experiences can never fully compare to living a fully present life. when i lost Jarronn, a lot of things crumbled. a sense of identify. a sense of security. dreams for the future. if i'd spent the last 2.5 years only reliving my experiences with Jarronn, i'd be stuck in the same place, reflecting on what i don't have and can't get back. thankfully, i've been able to create new amazing experiences and memories that i reflect on with just as much appreciation.

people often comment on how i'm always going somewhere, or always staying busy. i find these kinds of comments amusing, because i don't think people understand how much it's out of necessity. the need to move forward and look forward to living.