Tuesday, November 27, 2012

pick up lines

last month i posted about it being ok to ask me stuff. stuff related to Jarronn, his death, and my life after his death. i set up the formspring box below, and i'm glad to report that i've gotten some pretty interesting anonymous questions. some of the questions were expected, others were surprising. either way, i'll answer all of the questions here, across various posts.

there just so happened to be two questions related to the topic of pick up lines. yes, pick up lines. and given the repeated appearance of this topic, i figured this would be a good place to start.

so here were the questions:

question #1: Have you ever used your widow status in a "pick-up" line or attempt to gain some advantage with men folk?

question #2: If a man began his approach with "say girl" would your response be positive or negative?

clearly the second submission was crafted to make me laugh. and did. it. ever! while i'm sure "say girl" has seen some traction somewhere before, i'll just say this: i strongly advise any man reading this to opt for a less generic and more polished line when approaching the opposite sex. godspeed.

now back to the first question. not knowing the tone or identity of the person who submitted this question makes it a bit hard to interpret. i'm not sure if it was written seriously, as a joke, or perhaps a mix of the two. in any case, the question is worthy of a response and is quite amusing on two fronts.

first, the notion that i have an arsenal of pick up lines at my disposal and would work one into the repertoire to get in good with a guy tickles me so. let me just say, i'm far from being that skilled.

second, the idea that telling a guy i'm a widow would make me more attractive has largely been far from my experience. far more typical has been that while conversing with a guy, i somehow manage to mention that i'm widowed (maybe because he asks if i've been married or why my middle name is 'moreland' on facebook). dropping this bomb is typically followed by a look that seems to communicate the guy is mentally calculating how many paces it would take to make it to the closest exit ("i think if i hit a good stride, i could be out of here in 8 steps or less.") if that wasn't the case, there was typically some other equally awkward interaction that took place.

in many ways, i can't blame people. i'm sure the idea of dating a widowed person seems messy. there could be emotional baggage to deal with. a fear of being compared to someone else. questions of that person's capacity to love again. navigating the vulnerability that comes with relationships can be tough enough without adding an extra level of insecurity. and in some cases, i'm sure guys who've met me have wanted to make sure they didn't offend me in any way, which i can also appreciate.

so for the ladies out there who may, in fact, have some good game and have considered whether or not widowhood might help them step things up to the next level -- i can say with almost perfect certainty that any of your other tactics will work far better than the widow card. :-)


  1. This seriously made me laugh. Great post Jess.

  2. Thank you for being so open and honest! And thank you for your blog. It is very encouraging.

  3. This post made me miss sharing an office with you so, so much.

  4. This post gave me a good laugh. LOL. Pick up lines have been so popular these days it has been used for courting or making a move ;-)