the clothes

it took me nearly a year to sort through, pack up, and give away Jarronn's clothes. in a sense, i'm glad i waited so long, because i think the passing of time made the process far less emotional. some people had asked me about my plans for the clothes soon after he died, and i really couldn't wrap my head around it. as much as i rationally knew that they were material things, i couldn't muster the energy and strength to take on the process.

when i got to the place where i was ready to move the clothes, there were other people who assured me that i shouldn't feel pressured to get rid of things that i felt emotionally attached to. but at a certain point, the clothes being there became less of a comfort and more of a painful reminder. more of a hindrance.

but i did struggle with the idea of just giving all of the clothes away to strangers. Jarronn had a lot of clothes and loved clothes. it was hard removing items that i knew he loved. that i knew he'd worn on specific dates. that i knew he'd never gotten a chance to wear but had hoped to.

so i'm so thankful to the family and friends who took many of his items. his brother likely doubled his T-shirt collection. his boys got sweaters and business wear and shoes. some of my friends took an item here or there. and even my dad is walking around lynchburg, va getting compliments on how "cool" his new sneakers are. (yep, Jarronn and my dad were similar, even down to the shoe size). it means so very much to me to know that things Jarronn loved are with people he and i have loved.

there are still a few things left behind. some are things i gave him or just always loved. others are things i was slightly hesitant to give away, but when all of the choosing was done, they were still there, and i took it as my sign to just hold on to them. for now. for a little longer.

overall, with this kind of thing, you just hope that you're doing what the person who's gone would want. and you can never be sure. and maybe, if you're like me, you even jump back and forth between questioning if it really matters and resentful that you have to make the decision. so in the end, after the thinking and consideration and waiting and delaying and rallying...

you do what's best for you.