memory monday #7

it's been awhile since i've done one of these memory monday posts. but this memory below got my week off to a laughing start, so i figured i'd share it with you all.

this is coming from one of my closest friends sonia, who i've known since my freshman year of college. after i graduated and moved to new jersey for work, sonia was one of the few people who really kept up with me as i adjusted to life away from all of my friends.

because we talked frequently, this also meant that she was the first friend to hear about Jarronn after i'd met him. in fact, her advice helped me navigate more than one "men don't make any sense" moment with Jarronn. and ultimately, she was probably the person who helped me understand why he and i would always work, when she told me, "the secret to your heart, jessica, is to keep you laughing. the person who does that will win every time."

she was right.

and she and Jarronn became great friends, mainly because they were both incredibly funny, silly and quick on their feet. they even had nicknames for each other. (Jarronn was "brother tipsy" and sonia was "sister secular." loooooong story.) :-)

on july 30, sonia wrote:

I have so many hilarious memories of Jarronn. He was hands down one of the funniest people I've ever met. Whenever I saw him he always had a funny greeting, a joke, something. 

My favorite memory is when me, him, Jessica, and a few other friends all went to see Stomp the Yard. The movie turned out to not be that horrible but there were tons of corny moments. 

When we all returned to Jessica's apartment, we spent the next 45 minutes re-enacting the movie for Jessica's roommate Roxanne, since she wasn't able to make it. Jarronn was the head of the Gammas and I was the head of the Thetas, or whoever the people who were snakes were. We got so loud that the neighbor downstairs came to the door [Jessica's note: they were doing cartwheels and acrobatics]. 

At the end of the night, we were all laughing so hard we couldn't breathe. That to me was the greatest thing about Jarronn. He had no problem being absolutely ridiculous. He had an amazing spirit. That's what I miss the most.

thanks sonia! i miss it too!

memory monday #6

yesterday i had brunch with two of Jarronn's long-time friends, who i'm glad to say became my friends years ago as a result of my relationship with him. marck and ludgina both went to rutgers with Jarronn, laughed with Jarronn, and grinded through engineering with Jarronn. while they were all just friends back in school, marck and ludgina started dating after college and are now married (Jarronn was a best man in their wedding).

it was so good to see them. there are so many happy memories connected to them -- a road trip to upstate ny to visit them. their visit to md and stay in my apartment (i begged Jarronn to hang curtains in my room the night before they came, which made my downstairs neighbors come knocking around 12:30 a.m.) a great time in vegas and a hilarious post-ride photo from the stratosphere ride (so good, i actually purchased the $10 copy. this video gives you a sense of the ride, lol). meeting in nyc during the holidays and ice skating in central park. Jarronn always wanting me to show off my best meals when we hosted them for dinner. them putting us on to moscato d'asti (years before anyone thought to mention it in a rap song). a funny voicemail in left creole that Jarronn saved and would replay for us to laugh at. hearing that they were going to have a baby girl. marck as a groomsman in our wedding. and tons of time laughing with each other, at each other, and about the dynamics in both of our relationships.

i can honestly say i feel like i've known both of them for much longer than i have. and it's always been so easy to understand why Jarronn loved them both so much. as i sat with them and their beautiful daughter yesterday, there were so many moments when we laughed. and as they sat on one side of the booth, and i was on the other side with an empty spot next to me, i could imagine Jarronn there and me nudging him or squeezing his arm as we shared in the laughs. not like old times. but just like old times.

today's memory monday was written by ludgina. on august 10, she wrote:

Jarronn was my brother from another mother! We sometimes bickered as if we were brother and sister too☺. We went to Rutgers together and from Week 1 we were great friends. I miss him. The last time we spoke/texted was on July 4, 2009. After that we played some serious phone tag. My two wishes are that I could have had just one last conversation with him and that he was able to meet and take a picture with my daughter who was just shy of 3 months when he passed away. Although Jarronn is no longer here on Earth, I am grateful for all of the great memories (we had some good times!), and for being able to have known such an inspirational and wonderful person. The candles and wooden piece in this picture were given to me by Jarronn in January of 2004. I haven’t lit them since he passed so it was very special for me to light them on the anniversary of the day he became an angel watching over us. Until we meet again J. 

- Ludgie Baby.

“God didn’t promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for tears, and LIGHT for the way.” ~~Unknown~~

and if you've never seen this video marck put together to honor Jarronn after he passed, you should check it out!

memory monday #5

on saturday, i went to a family and friends get-together at my mom's house in new jersey. i tend to question if everyone feels that their family is crazy in the same way Jarronn and i always have. but in any case, i guess this is why our families always got along so well.

everyone in my family loved Jarronn (especially my aunties, who would ask if he had a much older brother or wealthy uncle somewhere). and seeing how well he got along with my family meant a lot to me.

today's memory comes from my older cousin, nikki. she was the maid of honor in our wedding and has always been more like an older sister to me.

It was July 5, 2007 (I think that's the right date). It was during the party at the club house in Princeton to celebrate 5 years that you guys were at the house. I arrived late, but was so surprised to see how much family was there that i haven't seen in ages. You were there with your hair in a curly style (looking gorgeous as usual), and Jarronn was by your side in an African get up that I thought looked great on him. I always thought you guys looked amazing together. A part of me was jealous of the connection you two had. (but good jealousy, I promise.. lol)

Anywho, throughout the night I had a chance to talk to Jarronn and was always impressed with the way he spoke. I had plenty of laughs as he acted silly with Maria... had a blast taking silly photos of him playing around with Nick, and smiled as he did a quick twirl on the dance floor with Tianna. He filled the night with a couple of jokes, and had a wonderful way with kids. You know how we Tomlinsons can be a bit lively, silly, foolish, loud and love making up songs out of the blue at times). That night Jarronn fit right in like he's been a part of it all for quite a while. He was an amazing person, you knew that the moment you met him, and were convinced it was the truth the moment he spoke.

That day wasn't the first time I had met Jarronn, but that day was the first time I knew he would be ... and is... family.

A few photos attached of the silly man! :-)

Love you so much Jess!
Nikk

memory monday #4

last week, i spent a couple of nights on my couch -- something i don't do very often and something i hadn't done in a very long time. while sometimes sleep just takes over, i generally wake up unhappy with myself for falling asleep on the couch. mainly because it typically means sore muscles and me not feeling that refreshed. my dreams get a little more crazy. i feel like i'm oversleeping. on one of last week's nights, i even woke up and went to call Jarronn on my cell phone to tell him about something running through my subconscious mind.

somehow Jarronn never had this problem. in fact, on at least two or three night per week, he would fall asleep on our couch. a big part of this had to do with the amazing fact that he had an ability to fall asleep ANYwhere. i'm convinced that you could have put him on a slab of concrete, and he would have been knocked out. and while i would try to wake him up and get him to get in bed, i was usually pretty unsuccessful. and my persistence would typically lead to him getting upset with me.

and so this series of repeated events became yet another lesson in relationship management: learn to pick your battles wisely, and leave the small stuff alone. if he really didn't want to get up, leave him be. and i knew he'd eventually wake up at 2 or 3 a.m. and either do some work he hadn't finished or get in the bed.

this week's memory is from my cousin maria, who -- like Jarronn -- also has had an affinity for our big leather sectional. she would actually look forward to sleeping on it when she would come to visit us.

on september 8, maria wrote:

Apart from the endless mischief and trouble that we caused together, my favorite memory of Jarronn was when we would fall asleep together on the couch. We'd been doing it since we first met, and it didn't matter the couch: from Jess' couch and loveseat at her townhouse in Jersey in '05, to Aunty Jen's couch at home, to their incredible leather couch in Maryland: that was the one time I got Jarronn to myself, and selfishly, I loved it. 

Even though we were sleeping and weren't speaking, it was the one moment where I didn't have to share him with anyone else. It was this long period of silence that felt so comfortable and so safe, that I almost hated waking up. It may sound ridiculous, but during that time I felt like we were bonding and it was this special time that I cherised when no one could interrupt. 

Jarronn and I don't get to physically take naps anymore, but I fall asleep with him every night feeling incredibly secure. I love you "big cousin."

Love,
Your "Marsie Baap" (*insert Jarronn's Jamaican accent*)

memory monday #3

football season is fully under way, and in honor of the nail-biting win the redskins had over the cowboys on sunday, i thought it best to post the memory below.

this one is from one of Jarronn's boys, derek aka "d. mitch." on september 13, derek wrote:

Well I couldn't lite a candle for my bro on 7/30 due to being out of town. I also find it difficult to face losing someone whom I hold dear to me. However, I found remembering Jarronn a little less difficult yesterday. As I fixed my plate of food, threw on my Redskins jersey and got ready for the season opener against the Cowgirls...excuse me, Cowboys (lol)...I happened to think about Jarronn and how hyped he would've been for this game. As I looked at a Redskins vs Cowboys diaper cake that my wife and I received at her baby shower (yes I married a Cowboys fan), I grabbed my boy's homegoing program off the mirror and put him right down on the cardboard football field where he could lite it up and cheer on the home team the way I know he would've if he was here. Last night was a good night for remembering Jarronn.

i'm so glad that derek and his wife rasheida have been able to maintain a beautiful marriage, in spite of their differences when it comes to football. Jarronn could deal with me being an eagles fan, but he told me and many other people that it would have been a deal breaker if i was a cowboys fan. :-)

i'm pretty convinced that he orchestrated the whole d. mcnabb trade to washington, because he was determined to make me a skins fan, even in the afterlife. and he would have gone absolutely nuts at the season opener. so i represented to the point where my voice is hoarse and a few cowboys fans left the game disliking me.

derek -- thanks for sharing this great memory and photo. you and rasheida have been amazing friends, and i know Jron would be incredibly proud of you.

memory monday #2

today's memory is from one of my long-time college friends, kwaku. he, of course, got the chance to know Jarronn through me. but he -- like many of my guy friends -- formed his own friendship with Jarronn along the way.

on july 23, kwaku shared two memories. the first had me cracking up, and the second made me shed a tear:

When Jess first told me about Jarronn
When I first got hired by the Department of Education, I would travel around the country and talk to students about financial aid.   One of my trips took me to beautiful Newark, New Jersey (there is nothing there).  I tried to figure out who I knew in the area, and Jess came to mind.  We decided to meet up for dinner and catch up. While we were eating, Jess started talking about this guy she was dating. I didn't know who the guy was, so I instantly started hating (which is my nature). She spoke about how good of a guy he was and how happy she was. She told me that if I was able to meet him, I would like him. Like I said before, I am a hater, especially when it comes to guys around my female friends.  Fortunately for Jess, she was correct. When I met Jarronn, he was probably one of the coolest guys I ever met. He was down-to-earth and relate-able and loved to laugh (he laughed at every one of my jokes). He made it difficult to hate on him.   I could understand why Jess was so in love and wanted to share her happiness with everyone.  

Jarronn and Morgan
One of my favorite moments with Jarronn was when we were all over at Mike and Ashley's place for a small get together.  Of course I brought my daughter with me, because you can't leave a 4-year-old home alone.  If you met my daughter, you know she is initially very shy but tends to warm up to people over time.  For some reason she was instantly cool with Jarronn.  While everyone else was talking about politics and other non-important things, Morgan and Jarronn were laughing and joking all night long.  By the end of the night, I literally had to drag Morgan home, she was having so much fun.  I know for a fact that Morgan would have been bored to death if it wasn't for Jarronn. 

When Jarronn died, I had to explain to my daughter what happened.  It was probably the hardest conversation I have had with her to date.   She told me that she was going to pray for Jess and Jarronn.  I thought she was just repeating what she heard other people say when you talk about death.  But later on that evening, she prayed without any encouragement that Jess would be OK and that God would take care of Jarronn.  To my knowledge, that is first time I heard Morgan pray about anything other than food.  It is funny how big of an impact you don't realize people have in the life of a child until they are not around.  

thanks for sharing this, kwaku. i don't think i'll ever forget when Jarronn realized just how funny you were and felt the need to tell me about his discovery. :-) thanks for keeping me laughing through the tears. and please hug morgan for me!

if you'd still like to send me your memory or photos about Jarronn, you can at any time. email jarronnandjessica@gmail.com.

memory mondays

in july, i asked people to send me their favorite memories of Jarronn and/photos of them with the candle they lit in memory of Jarronn. i've really enjoyed reading everything people have sent my way, and i thought that instead of trying to share everything in just one post, that i would spread them out over multiple postings.

so this is the start of what i'm calling "memory mondays," where i'll post the memories and photos that friends have sent me.

the first one is from samantha, whom i've never had the chance to meet, but she and Jarronn went to freedom church and suitland high school together.

on july 22, samantha wrote:

Jarronn had the most amazing and warm smile:) That's what I remember most of him. I just remember how nice he was to EVERYONE!!! I think of his picture in the yearbook (I'm sure you've seen it) w/ his crazy outfit on!! LOL when he was voted class clown or most school spirited (???). Can't remember which one... but he has on that tight shirt!!! LOL Too funny!!!

I feel blessed to have even met such an awesome person. My life feels even richer to have known him. Your husband was/ is one of the best to have walked this earth and is a reflection of you.

---

now i don't have a scanner, but i felt that i couldn't deprive those of you who don't own a 1998 yearbook from suitland high school. so i did my best to take photos of the fanastic photo samantha referred to (it was for most school spirit), as well as an added bonus.

samantha keeps the program from Jarronn's memorial service on her dresser, and below is the beautiful photo she sent along. thank so much, samantha.

if you'd still like to send me your memory or photos about Jarronn, you can at any time. email jarronnandjessica@gmail.com.