Thursday, December 17, 2009


not 'what would Jesus do?'

what would Jarronn do? i spend a lot of time asking myself that question. mainly asking how he would deal with this situation if the tables were turned?

would he have struggled to get out of bed in the mornings? or lost his appetite? or stopped working out? or felt a loss of identity?

would he break down and cry when he was alone? would he smile, joke, and laugh through the pain? would he be able to focus at work? would people tell him he was so strong?

who would he go to for comfort? who would he cry in front of? would he leave so many emails unanswered? how much would he share?

how would he feel talking about me? would he smile when he saw my picture? would he reach for the phone to call me?

what would he do with my clothes? and papers? and receipts? and toiletries? would he sleep on my side of the bed? would he smell my clothes for traces of my scent?

would his faith be shaken? would he believe everything happens for a reason? would he think he was responsible? would he look at the future with hope? would he believe that one day he'd see me again?

i wish i could follow his example. like i did with a lot of other things. instead, i have this life to live. these choices to make. this process to go through. my way.


  1. Nothing short of real, Jess. I've myself a limited set of those questions as well over the last few months. It's hard to imagine, but I'm sure Jarronn would have continued to amaze us even more--at how he dealt with this extreme tragedy amidst all of the pain...much like you're doing now. (smile)
    (Sustaining yourself, honoring his legacy, and somehow continually inspiring others.)

    Love ya girl.

  2. Jessica I just read your blog this morn. I have not been on it for a wk at least. It is funny how you addressed all those questions. He would keep you so close to his heart and share you with everyone he came across and the love he had for you. He would carry on as you are doing. He would have those close to him in whom he could share the time of his weakness. I constantly think now you deal with having his belonging around you to remind you. It is hard for me even to come to the house because he is not there anymore. I expect to see him when I walk in. On my job I say how would Jarronn handle this. He would handle all situation with wisdom and love. Family ask me what I want for Christmas all I want to do is to carry on for him. Many times at work I just want to retire and leave but I know he would not do that. Many times I question God why he allowed me to go through this. I love you so much and looked forwarded to so many happy times with both of you. You are so much like him. Even you expression and how you immediate him at times. You are so blessed with so many loving friends surrounding you. I feel your pain and I cry for you. I am so Happy he brought both our families together. You will always be my daughter. I could continue going on and on but will stop know while I can