not 'what would Jesus do?'
what would Jarronn do? i spend a lot of time asking myself that question. mainly asking how he would deal with this situation if the tables were turned?
would he have struggled to get out of bed in the mornings? or lost his appetite? or stopped working out? or felt a loss of identity?
would he break down and cry when he was alone? would he smile, joke, and laugh through the pain? would he be able to focus at work? would people tell him he was so strong?
who would he go to for comfort? who would he cry in front of? would he leave so many emails unanswered? how much would he share?
how would he feel talking about me? would he smile when he saw my picture? would he reach for the phone to call me?
what would he do with my clothes? and papers? and receipts? and toiletries? would he sleep on my side of the bed? would he smell my clothes for traces of my scent?
would his faith be shaken? would he believe everything happens for a reason? would he think he was responsible? would he look at the future with hope? would he believe that one day he'd see me again?
i wish i could follow his example. like i did with a lot of other things. instead, i have this life to live. these choices to make. this process to go through. my way.