Monday, February 1, 2010

six months

saturday marked six months since Jarronn died. since life changed. it probably sounds strange, but i've both dreaded and looked forward to this milestone. the dread is for obvious reasons. life without Jarronn isn't the same. it's not my choice. and the more time that passes by solidifies how certain my new reality is. but in another way, reaching six months somehow provides an answer to a question i ask myself constantly: "can i really make it through life like this?" and milestones like january 30 somehow confirm that i can. that if i've in fact made it this far, i can make it through another day. one day at a time...

six months has moved quickly and gone by painfully slow at the same time. parts of me have wanted to hold on to life six months ago. to stop time and the world from moving. but things have kept moving. people kept living their lives. the sun kept rising and setting. i kept breathing. and i've had to keep up. had to move forward.

but unfortunately, forward sometimes feels like farther. farther from Jarronn and the life i loved.

half a year is a relatively short amount of time, but it's significant. and as i exhale {{exhale}}, i'm embracing the good and bad that has come with it.


  1. I married my husband September 12, 2009. Through Victoria Stiles I have followed your blog constantly. My heart is with you every day. You teach me to appreciate every moment. My husband was diagnosed with MS 2 years before our marriage and 3 into our relationship. It didn't change a thing for me. You are a testament to what a marriage is. I am so sorry your beautiful commitment was cut so short. You are a strong woman.

  2. Dear Jessica,
    You do not know me but I saw a post you had put on prayforthelamberths (Angie Lamberth is my cousin). I read the post regarding your wedding ring. Your writing is so honest and inspiring. I know that so many people read my cousin's blog and are inspired to live better and appreciate all the moments with loved ones. I felt the same inspiration in your writing that I have found in my cousin's writing. May God Bless You and fill your soul with love and peace. Sincerely, Annie :)