Monday, June 21, 2010

father's day

happy father's day to all the fathers.

i spoke to my dad yesterday and got a few good laughs in. all before letting him go so he could dedicate his full attention to tiger woods (you'd think tiger was his third child).

i spoke to my father(-in-law) too. shared some laughs. and shared some sorrows. though he and i share the sentiment that one day/holiday isn't necessarily more difficult than any other day, i do know how special father's day was for him, Jarronn, and my brother(-in-law). even in the times when all he wanted to do was have pizza at home from their favorite spot or just not go anywhere. the boys did just as he asked and made it his day.

and i'm saddened to know how much Jarronn's death has hurt his father. how it has challenged his faith. and challenged his spirit. i've even talked to Jarronn about it in my dreams with him. when he's asked me how his father is doing. and i've told him he's taking it really hard. and in turn, Jarronn's face turns sad and concerned.

the truth is, it's not the natural order of things. for a man (or woman) to bury a child. and Jarronn's father reminded me of that as we stood in the emergency room looking at his son's body. parents invest dreams in their children. perhaps even in a different way than how a person invests dreams in their spouse.  i'm trying to deal with my deferred dreams, but i wish i could do more for Jarronn's parents.

father's day also reminds me of how much i wanted to see Jarronn as a father. how we'd talked about it not being a given that we'd be able to have children but how much we wanted them. and he always thought we'd make a good team, because he was a morning person and i stay up late (i'm sure there were some other reasons too.) he wanted something like five kids, and i told him i thought we should start with one and then see if he still felt the same way. but it wasn't surprising coming from someone who absolutely loved children. he was a fantastic godfather (he was playing the wii with one of his godsons at home on the night he died). and making a child laugh was probably one of his greatest joys.

i rounded out the day by reaching out to the fathers in my life. something that i know Jarronn would have done, being the great friend that he was. i wish that the kids of all of those men could have known uncle/goddaddy Jarronn in a deeper, longer-lasting way.

but this story gives me hope...posted on Jarronn's facebook wall back in may by a dear friend, joe:

Freezy! Was sitting in the car with the kids the other filling Mother's day out in secrecy. Well, Josiah happened to be sitting shotgun filling out his share. When trying to get Men In Black to play for him, the iTouch shuffled instead to Kirk Franklin's My Life, My Love, My All. Josiah immediately looked up to me with a face I'll never forget and said with a smile "I like this song......It reminds me of Mr. Jarronn." I told him it reminds me as well. Thanks for being my friend, and part of my family's lives. Miss you brother! Well Done!


  1. I think about Jarronn as a father sometimes too, i really wish he could of met Khalon he would of made a GREAT uncle. And even tho i didn't know know him that well i think he would of made a GREAT FATHER too.

    Just a thought i had, i figured i would share.

  2. I remember when Jarronn would come down to Atlanta with his Dad and Theo. I'd always thought that when we got older and grew up, that my family and I would drive up and visit you and your children. As a matter of fact, that scenario kept playing in my head when I learned that he was gone. I kept thinking how unfair it was that our children would never get to share their summers the way we did.
    It was only a reminder to me of how unfair life really is sometimes. Jarronn, of all people, should still be here *sigh*

  3. even still we give God the praise. One day when you are blessed with children, Jess, you will be able to teach them many values shared and learned from Jarronn:) Bless you my Sister and bless his family continually.