i've always tended to have dreams that were on the crazy side. or at least on the long side. Jarronn would always comment on how the recaps of my dreams seemed to go on and on, full with "and then"s. my dreams hardly tend to convey one comprehensible storyline. instead, they jump around from place to place. people morph into other people. and they often relate to something that i heard or experienced in the day before.
for years, i've had a recurring dream that takes on slightly different details each time but always has the same central theme. i'm enrolled in a course for school, and somehow i've gone the entire semester without attending any classes. and i realize this on the day of a huge exam that's worth half my grade.
and so i panic.
and i'm so relieved when i wake up.
a bit strange, i know, but i have in fact spoken to at least five other people who have a similar recurring dream. what it means? i couldn't begin to tell you.
in the past 10 months, i've developed a new recurring dream. and like the other one, there are always slightly different details, but always the same central theme. Jarronn is back. he never was dead. just away. somewhere. but never dead. and i am happy. and think about how to share the news with everyone. and i am ready to pick up where we left off. to do all those things i'd hoped to do. to go back to being a wife. to get on with my life. and while it all doesn't make logical sense, it feels simple.
and so i embrace it.
and i'm so disappointed when i wake up.