even though the last episode of the oprah show aired a couple weeks ago, my dvr is still filled with an array of episodes from the last two seasons.
some are episodes i've yet to watch, but intend to. others are episodes that i'm saving, either to watch again or with the hope of showing it to someone like my mom or someone else. it wasn't until after Jarronn died that i was able to keep a library that sometimes reached 50+ episodes. i guess that was the down side of having to share a dvr.
now that the show has ended, it's given me time to go through the library. (it seemed like for every episode i watched, two new episodes would record). almost every episode tends to give me some insight, emotion, laugh or new perspective. and one thing i heard in watching an episode today was something i thought worth sharing.
as oprah spoke to two young girls who spent years being abused by their brothers and father, she shared her favorite definition of forgiveness:
"forgiveness is giving up the possibility of a better past."
that definition hit me deeply. not just because of its insight into what forgiveness is, but also for its connection to moving on in life in general. to living freer. more peacefully. with more contentment. and more in the present.
giving up on the possibility of a better past has been one of the hardest things i've had to do. and i still haven't perfected it. but reading this definition, which captures what i've struggled to do, somehow seems empowering. it's like putting a name to my constant state of striving. it makes me more conscious of it.
and hopefully the consciousness pushes me farther forward, beyond the what ifs and should haves of the past. beyond the idea of a better past and into a better present.