direction

i've never been the type to have a five- or ten-year plan. perhaps a bit when it came to those typical lifetime aspirations, like buy a house around this age, get married around such and such age, and start popping out kids no later than that age. i've also had aspirations for different things. a particular job, a professional degree, a certain level of income.

but for the most part, i've never been one of those highly focused people who has this model life or profession they're striving toward. i've never really felt like i had one major passion that i wanted to pursue. i've never identified this thing i'm destined to do.

experiencing significant loss in 2009 didn't make the situation any better. any small sense of goals i had lost their luster, and all those lifetime aspirations i mentioned earlier really seemed to be thrown out the window. more so than ever before, i began to just float. and like the title of my blog says, it was more important to just take things one day at a time.

even in my floating, i managed to take on and achieve some big things. a master's degree. a freelancing career. travel. a whole lot of paper work. new relationships. a move. and yet, in the last few months i've felt more and more of an urge to identify some kind of direction for myself. not to say that i'm lost. i have a good sense of God, life, and self. but i could use some more direction. maybe it's the fact that i'm getting closer to 30. or i'm being too hard on myself. or maybe i've gotten to the point where grief no longer consumes so much of my energy.

whatever the cause, i'm feeling the need to run toward something.

"if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. he will pass an invisible boundary; new, universal, and more liberal laws will begin to establish themselves around and within him; and he will live with the license of a higher order of beings." - henry david thoreau