it probably sounds strange. but sometimes i feel like my past with Jarronn wasn't real. or i ask, how could it have been real? it's hard to reconcile the thought of him being here at one point, but somehow not here now. the world with him and the world without him seem so distant. so different. so hard to examine side by side.
death means that a person is here one day and gone the next. that's the reality. but wrapping your mind around the concept is a different thing.
and so i find myself at times reminiscing. thinking of moments and memories. and i question. did that really happen? how did i get from there to here?
it doesn't seem like Jarronn's presence should affect the reality of our past together. intellectually i know it was all real. but maybe, intellectually, it's hard to understand why we're not making more memories now.