Friday, October 29, 2010


i've been coming to the end of things. finishing things that were here when Jarronn was here. the last of his cocoa butter. the last of the glass cleaner. the last of the giant tub of country crock. all empty.

last month, it was the huge bottle of era detergent. the very special detergent that Jarronn told me was the only detergent he would use. that he had searched for years to find a detergent he liked, and era was it. i once went to two grocery stores looking for era and bought tide when i couldn't find it. he went out the next day and found some at bj's. told me i could use the tide for my clothes, but his had to be done with era. i finished it. now it's empty.

it's a natural attrition, i guess. things run out. and they get replaced by new things. my products. my choices. whipped butter for the country crock. tide for the era.

but it's funny how finishing the era feels like the end of one.

what used to be a simple exercise in rinsing and recycling large plastic containers has become much tougher. much more sad.

they remind me of all the change my life has gone through. of how time keeps moving. and that there was a space, once occupied by Jarronn, that is now empty.


  1. Can I just say. . . I love your blog and your sweetness and resilience. I have been reading it for sometime. I wonder if you'd be interested to know that you can be with your sweetie for eternity. If you'd like to know more about that, visit The Savior has provided a beautiful plan for us and He truly understands that the pain of death and separation is not forever. Thanks again for your blog. It inspires me. You're also welcome to visit my blog anytime. It's Hugs to you!

  2. Life here on earth is interesting... ups, downs, joys, sorrow, full and empty... but when we can talk about it, live on thru it, share it, learn from it, then it is blessed. Keep shining Sis. Love you*

  3. some times I don't have any words, i kinda sit back and reflect on life after reading your blogs. Thanks for writing

  4. Jess! I always enjoy reading your entries. I don't get time to read them often but every time I check in it makes me smile to read your growth, makes me want to hug you because you're such a beautiful person, and inspires me to continue on my growth journey. Thank you!!!

  5. First, congratulations on your recent marriage (we have the same anniversary) and in finding love again. God truly "winked" at me today when he led me to your story on the internet and then to your blog. A colleague's husband died three weeks ago in a surfing accident. Other than expressing my heartfelt condolences, I told her that I didn't know what to say except that she had to allow herself to feel whatever she feels. Now, I can send her this link and hope that she finds comfort in knowing that someone else knows what it's like to experience an unfathomable loss. Sometimes, you can't take life one day at a time but, rather, one hour, one minute, one second.