in preparation, i went out and bought some new plates. not that i didn't have plates in the cupboard. but these were white plates. nothing too fancy. in fact i got a whole 18-piece set at ikea for less than $25. but they're white. which is what i wanted.
when Jarronn and i were picking things for the house, we collected a mish-mash of things -- from my apartment, his apartment, and housewarming gifts. i asked that we get white plates, because they go with everything, can be mixed and matched, and food always looks good on them.
but Jarronn didn't like that idea. and he could be pretty adamant when it came to choosing things for the house. almost as though he didn't want to be labeled as the man that left all "domestic" decisions to the woman. we registered for a nice set of white china at crate & barrel, but for the everyday plates, he chose a light yellow colored set. and he seemed passionate about it, so i compromised on it. and really, the set he chose was lovely.
since Jarronn died, i've hardly entertained like i'd (we'd) hoped to. but when it came time to do my own dinner, i got my white plates. and after i finished setting the table, i stood back and felt so pleased. it was just the way i wanted it to be.
having a partner is great. and i would never choose white plates over having Jarronn around to compromise with. but being able to make my own decisions, without the need to compromise is also great. call it my attempt at appreciating the situation that's been given to me. but i do appreciate it. and i do like that sometimes in life, i can get just. what. i. want.