Friday, November 20, 2009


i made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch. one of Jarronn's staples. i made him two pbj's back in 2005, the night we had our talk. the talk about liking each other as more than just friends. after a year as friends, we joked about how maybe it was something in those sandwiches. or the full moon. or it being the first day of summer.

Jarronn told me he liked those sandwiches, but i think he was just trying to boost my ego. the truth was that we liked our pbj's very different. i like thin layers of peanut butter and jelly. Jarronn liked to pile on both. we both learned to make them in the way the other person liked.

on certain mornings, i would make pbj's for Jarronn to carry in his lunch bag. he appreciated it a lot. i was happy that something so small could make him happy.

i miss having him around to do things for. having someone to make happy. someone to buy gifts for (he LOVED gifts). and someone to cook for. of course i can do all of these things for other people, besides Jarronn. but really. it's not the same. throughout this situation, i don't think there's been a moment when i've felt the absence of love. on the contrary, i feel extremely loved. but i miss giving love. in the way i was once able to.


  1. Yeah Jarronn loved his peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. That is one of the sandwiches I brought him and T up on and use to pack in the large boxes for elementary school. We still keep a big jar and PB and Jelly in the house.

    I like them too. So you can make me one if you like.


    Momma Etelle

  2. Hi,

    A friend of mine saw your story on GMA and sent me the link. I am recently widowed (7 weeks). My husband and I were married for less than a year (it would have been a year on July 21st). He passed on May 23rd in a car accident. He and I were best friends and high school sweethearts. We met on a church retreat at 16 and married at 25. Together for nearly 10 years, he was my life. He was in the Air Force, so the last 5 years of our relationship was long distance. We (of course) had our ups and downs, as all couples do, breakups and makeups.

    I wanted to let you know that I'm so happy to see that you've found true, need-you love again. Reading your blog has brought me tears and comfort. May God bless you always.