so amazing

my mom took me to dinner by the water last night. we ate with some of her friends and shared some good conversation, although it can be hard to be in social settings for long periods of time.

a musician on the deck sang pop songs over keyboard music. at one point, he started singing luther vandross's song "so amazing." it reminded me of a time i went to dinner with a few female friends a couple years ago. we were eating at indeblue in d.c., and i asked the ladies how their relationships were going. two of them responded with a lukewarm "ok." i was less than satisfied with this response! from everything i knew about both of their boyfriends, i expected much more enthusiasm. i inquired about why their responses lacked luster and neither seemed to really have an explanation. they then asked me how things were with Jarronn, and after lacking the proper words to explain how great things were, i broke into my rendition of "so amazing" -- doing luther's song little justice.

"love has truly been good to me
not even one sad day
or minute have i had since you've come my way
i hope you know i'd gladly go
anywhere you'd take me
it's so amazing to be loved
i'd follow you to the moon in the sky above...

"and it's so amazing, amazing
i could stay forever, forever
here in love and no, leave you never
'cause we've got amazing love"

i think my friends were stunned and perhaps embarrassed for me, lol. they also made fun of me for the next two years. did jessica really just bust into song over her man?! but the truth is that it really was that good. and one thing that has brought me some peace in this situation is knowing that i fully appreciated what i had with Jarronn -- while i had it. i didn't take any phone call, kiss, or gesture for granted. and i let him know how much it all meant to me. if your relationship is really 'just ok', that's one thing. but if it's wonderful, you should say so and do so, while you have the opportunity.

on the catamaran

i arrived in monetgo bay, jamaica yesterday. i'm hoping to get some sun, sand, and silence. it's hard though, because Jarronn has been with me the last three times i've been here. and we always had such a good time here. one of our favorite things to do has been taking a catamaran tour. we've done it every year we've come.

i went out on the boat this morning. it was really a beautiful day. but it was tough. staring at the water reminded me of how we used to talk about its amazing color. (he took the photo of his foot in front of it so he could remember the color). we were here last year when Jarronn proposed. it's mind-boggling to see how much things can change in a year. i thought about the hobie cat we rode on during our honeymoon in st. lucia. we called it our mini-catamaran, and he considered himself a trained sailor. :-)

i cried on the boat today. but i also jumped off the side and swam with pretty blue and yellow fish. and i drove the boat -- something i wish i could brag about to Jarronn right now.

one day at a time

on july 30, 2009, the love of my life--my husband Jarronn--died. there's so much that i'm feeling and experiencing, and i thought this might be a way for me to deal with those things.