Tuesday, October 20, 2009

private pains

in a sense, i'm lucky. i've experienced this incredible loss and the pain that goes along with it. but at the same time, i've had the freedom to deal with it publicly.

a few weeks ago, i realized that this isn't the case for a lot of people. there are people who are facing pain that's just as real, just as deep. but their pain doesn't tend to warrant the kind of support i've received. people can rally around a person who's lost a loved one. and the person who's grieving is expected, and even encouraged, to express their pain. not sure why that is. maybe because death seems more inevitable and is therefore easier to relate to.

but there's lots of people who experience pain, and with it carry so much baggage. a spouse who has left, an addiction that won't go away, mental illness, issues of insecurity, losing a job, suicidal thoughts, falling short, dreams deferred...the list goes on and on. i wish i could hug all of those people. or let them have one day where everyone encourages them to talk about their feelings. to not feel ashamed. to feel a support system and abundant love. to receive dozens of cards that tell them everything will be ok.

sometimes it doesn't seem fair that i've been the recipient of all of that. that i've been kind of lucky.


  1. Co-Dean I never commented because I definitely did not know what to say... this post definitely hit home. I've gained soo much more respect for you and I love you more.

    Jenny M.

  2. Hello! My name is Dove Sister Rev. Mrs. Jameka Williams and I have been following your blog ever since your life changing experience. I have never commented until now. What you said above reminded me of the day a man stood outside and gave hugs for free. I see your smile and there is the warmth of God there. I beleive if you know or see a person who may be going through you can give them one of your warm smiles or even give them a card filled with encouraging words. If you don't want to physically show them you can take a moment and say a silent prayer for them. All of the love and support you have been given has already been shared with us but you would be amazed at how just you letting God's love shine through to a stranger can save a life.

  3. All I can say is Thank you.... Thank you for allowing God to use you during this life changing time. Thank you sis. This post hit home for me and what I've been going through. Thank you!

  4. It is very true that a lot of grief and pain goes unrecognized in our society. I am thankful that yours is and I can only hope that those who reach out to you will be as willing to reach out to others who go through other types of painful experiences.

    Happy belated birthday!