there are now actually days when i don't cry. sometimes because i'm able to hold back the tears. other times because i'm so focused on my to-do list. and other times when i'm just feeling thankful.
but it seems that when i go a few days without crying, it's like my body wants to make up for lost time. and so i cry for extended periods of time. not usually triggered by anything in particular. but it's like the well has reached capacity, and the overflow begins. the tears rush out. the sobbing ensues. i wonder if there's progress in all of this.
i read somewhere, shortly after Jarronn died, that tears flush out emotional tension and help release endorphins (brain chemicals released from the brain which can cause feelings of relief and euphoria). i remind myself of this every time i cry. it's my way of trying to make myself feel better. it's hard not to feel sorry for yourself when you hear yourself sobbing, sniffing and gasping for air. or at least it's hard for me.
its crazy how that happens. Its like you feel that your pouring the right things into your Spirit, your dealing with things as rationally as you can but then there is this subconcious storage of pain that leaks out and reveals how deep it all really is. I can't say I know how YOU feel but I know the feeling of deep pain. And though it seems to always hurt the same, somehow somewhere, deep down inside the well is drying and its getting better. I thank God that you made it to today.
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