no rush

i had an errand to run after work today. i was hoping to buy one last book that i need for school. and i needed my georgetown t-shirt in a different size. i left the campus around 7 and took my time walking toward the bus routes that run through m street. i debated whether or not i should stop for frozen yogurt at ice berry. (this tart yogurt business is quickly becoming my new obsession. in fact, following the sweet green mobile was my primary motivation for creating a twitter account. Jarronn definitely shook his head at that one.)

with my green tea yogurt in hand, i dashed across the street to hop on the circulator. didn't make a lot of sense, considering that i couldn't eat on the bus! after staring longingly at my yogurt, i hopped off in between metro stops, so i could walk and devour.

i walked slowly, because i wasn't in a rush. my reason for rushing home is no longer there. if Jarronn was still here, i never would have walked so slow. never would have stopped for yogurt. i used to do lots of things after work -- the gym, dinner with friends, errands, etc. but i always looked forward to coming home. a few weeks before Jarronn died, i told a friend that seeing Jarronn at the end of the day was the highlight of my day. it was what i looked forward to from the moment i sat at my desk at work and turned on my computer.

he'd often be home before me. i'd come through the front door, and he'd scurry into view after jumping up from the couch. which would always make me laugh. and i knew that everything in life would be fine. and that i had to be one of the most favored women in the world. that a man i simply adored was so excited to see me come home.

all of that's gone. i'm greeted by darkness and silence (minus the house alarm, of course). people tend to think that would be difficult for me. but i really don't mind it. in fact, i like it. i might not find the feelings i experienced before upon walking through the door, but i do find peace. and a free-ness to deal with new companion -- my thoughts.