a couple weeks ago, i wrote about dreaming. since then, it seems like i dream about Jarronn almost every night. wednesday night i dreamt that though we thought Jarronn had died, he had actually just been lost and unable to communicate with us. he finally reconnected and made it home. everyone was excited and relieved. i was ecstatic. so much so that i realized it was just a dream and woke myself up. it's another reminder that i'm still grappling with the reality of my life. i spend a portion of most dreams with Jarronn explaining to him that he died on july 30. he's usually surprised or heartbroken by the news. sometimes i explain how it happened. or tell him how his family is taking it.
i got myself back to sleep on wednesday, and Jarronn was in my second dream. this time, he was mad at me for something and wouldn't talk to me. i was trying to get him to forgive me, but i'm not sure what he thought i'd done wrong. not sure what that's about. didn't feel very rested when i woke up.