Friday, September 4, 2009

dreaming more

a couple weeks ago, i wrote about dreaming. since then, it seems like i dream about Jarronn almost every night. wednesday night i dreamt that though we thought Jarronn had died, he had actually just been lost and unable to communicate with us. he finally reconnected and made it home. everyone was excited and relieved. i was ecstatic. so much so that i realized it was just a dream and woke myself up. it's another reminder that i'm still grappling with the reality of my life. i spend a portion of most dreams with Jarronn explaining to him that he died on july 30. he's usually surprised or heartbroken by the news. sometimes i explain how it happened. or tell him how his family is taking it.

i got myself back to sleep on wednesday, and Jarronn was in my second dream. this time, he was mad at me for something and wouldn't talk to me. i was trying to get him to forgive me, but i'm not sure what he thought i'd done wrong. not sure what that's about. didn't feel very rested when i woke up.


  1. Jessica, Saundra's said relax.

    Her pastor said Jarronn would come and visit you and tell you exactly what happened with the accident.

    Jarronn is trying to explain to you what happened.

  2. Jessica he might be angry because he realizes he is not there for you.

  3. Oh wow, Jessica. It's crazy that you JUST posted a blog about additional dreams. I was definitely wondering about that. I actually came to look at your blog today because I dreamt about Jarronn last night. (a first for me)

    He's certainly been in my thoughts daily, and even when he's not in my thoughts, then various symbols thrust me into thinking about him...and you and his family. But I've really never dreamed of "interacting" with him, and my dream was quite vivid--seemingly more detailed, and slower than my normal dreaming pattern.

    I dreamed that we were at some sort of major celebration for mutual friends, and the celebration wound up having arguments and drama. I made my way back to the dressing room to escape the drama and found Jarronn there (and others that I didn't recognize who were paying no attention to us).

    Somehow the dressing room was for men and women, =)?? but when I saw him I asked how long he'd been back there. And he responded that he'd been there since the drama started--he was trying to avoid the negative activity as well. So we joked and conversed a bit more and I asked if he knew that he had died. He responded casually that he did know, and remarked just as casually that it was okay.

    I told him that I was having a really difficult time dealing with it...and so were his loved ones. I then got excited and told him that no one knew he was in the dressing room and that we should go out and rejoin the celebration to calm things down. He said he couldn't and offered comfort to me in dealing with his death (with his dependable hug and kiss on the cheek). But he said he'd be watching everyone at the celebration "from back here". He made a joke to put me at ease, flashed his superstar smile and then made eye contact to say "seriously, Fem it's okay...I know it's sad, but I'm okay".

    I then went the mirror to dry my tears and recompose myself, and went back out to the celebration to tell people that they could visit J-ron in the dressing room. ...and then I woke up.

    I have no idea what it means. But I found it both comforting and emotional. I was glad to dream about him--especially so vividly. But I definitely cried like never before when I woke up.
    Love u Jess. I'm praying for your comfort and dreams and in reality.