since Jarronn died, i've only dreamt of him three times. the first was the night he died. i had come downstairs into the living room and saw him sitting on the couch -- a familiar sight on any given morning. i asked him what he was doing there, alive, and he explained that they had given him food at the hospital, and the more he ate, the more strength he got. so there he was. i was so happy that the night before had all been "a bad dream." we talked, and as more people ended up in our living room, i realized that i was the only person who could see or talk to him. it was a good dream.
in subsequent nights, as i've cried myself to sleep, i've asked Jarronn to visit me in my dreams. but he doesn't always show up.
i dreamt of him again last night. we talked about his death and how he was doing. he said he was fine. that nothing was bothering him. i woke up and felt devastated. devastated that it was just a dream. even devastated that he's experiencing peace, and i'm here suffering. talking to him felt so real, but in reality, i can't talk to him anymore like i used to. right now, i'd do anything to be able to ask him question after question until he starts to get frustrated with me. i want so badly to see his face, to hear his voice.
now i'm not so sure about the whole dreaming thing. don't think i'll be asking for more appearances any time soon.