since Jarronn died, i've only dreamt of him three times. the first was the night he died. i had come downstairs into the living room and saw him sitting on the couch -- a familiar sight on any given morning. i asked him what he was doing there, alive, and he explained that they had given him food at the hospital, and the more he ate, the more strength he got. so there he was. i was so happy that the night before had all been "a bad dream." we talked, and as more people ended up in our living room, i realized that i was the only person who could see or talk to him. it was a good dream.
in subsequent nights, as i've cried myself to sleep, i've asked Jarronn to visit me in my dreams. but he doesn't always show up.
i dreamt of him again last night. we talked about his death and how he was doing. he said he was fine. that nothing was bothering him. i woke up and felt devastated. devastated that it was just a dream. even devastated that he's experiencing peace, and i'm here suffering. talking to him felt so real, but in reality, i can't talk to him anymore like i used to. right now, i'd do anything to be able to ask him question after question until he starts to get frustrated with me. i want so badly to see his face, to hear his voice.
now i'm not so sure about the whole dreaming thing. don't think i'll be asking for more appearances any time soon.
even if he doesn't come to you in dreams, you'll be surprised how people can make themselves known. another close family member to me died back in 98. she let me know that she was around by turning off the tv while i was watching it, she threw things around the room, or she'd make random things make noise to communicate with me. i know it creeped out other people, but i felt just a little bit better, knowing that she was there. i'm sure he's there for you too, just pay attention.
ReplyDeleteI completely understand. I lost my best friend in '04. Within the weeks after her passing I wrestled with canceling a party that she had helped me plan for my birthday, but after talking with her in the only dream I've had with her in it since then she reassured me of having the party, as well as helped pick out the outfit. But, she also reminded me that she was done here and that I was strong enough to keep going...
ReplyDeleteI had a very similar experience.On new years eve 2004 i lost my aunt.I am from Southern Africa and when i last visted home i was in a hurry to return back to the US and did not get a chance to visit her.She called me to congratulate me on my graduation and was begging me to come visit but i just could not make it.After she passed i could not forgive myself for not making time for her that time i went home .The day after she passed I had a dream where she told me "I am ok so do not worry about me.All i want you to do is to continue praying.Don't ever forget to pray."Those words really helped me deal with her passing because i feel at least i had one last conversation with her.
ReplyDeleteYou don't know me, but I stumbled across your blog. I know my loss doesn't compare to losing the love of your life, but I lost my father almost 4 years ago. I understand how completely devastating it can be to have our loved ones visit us in our dreams, and then wake up and deal with the reality of it all. I had almost the same thing happen, where I ask for him to show up, and he doesn't and then when I least expect it, he does. It hurts, because each time reminds you that they are gone. While in your dream everything seems so real. I know people have told you, it will get better with time. I don't want to offer those words to you, because you've heard them before. Instead, I'll tell you to allow yourself time to heal, time to cry, time to be upset, and time to grieve. I wish you nothing but the best, and I will be praying for you. I pray the blessing of God in your life. You will get through this, there are brighter days ahead. Stay encouraged, and be blessed. :)
ReplyDeleteWow Sunyblack...I def don't know you either, but how incredibly inspiring.
ReplyDeleteThanks. Those words of comfort, realism, and encouragement that you offered to Jessica inspired and comforted ME. God bless you...and condolences for the loss of your father.