Monday, August 31, 2009

hardest part of day

mornings tend to be the hardest part of the day. i'm not a morning person to begin with. Jarronn and i were opposites in that way. he'd hop up in the mornings and fall asleep watching t.v. by 9:00 p.m. i, on the other hand, tend to find it hard to fall asleep before midnight. and i struggle to get up in the mornings, even sometimes after having a full night's rest. Jarronn would tease me about the fact that even after a shower and getting dressed, i still looked like i wasn't really awake.

mornings these days are even more difficult. i wake up and get smacked with the reality that i have to make it through another day. as opposed to wanting five more minutes, i now want five more hours. the thing that typically gets me out of bed is having to go to the bathroom, or knowing someone will be coming over.

i stare in to space. a lot. i stare at the closet, the floor, the wall. i often imagine what the morning "should" be like.
...cnn american morning on the t.v. making the bed from both sides. taking turns with the iron. Jarronn making me laugh. Jarronn taking care of business on his laptop. Me asking for his thoughts on my outfit. Jarronn reminding me not to put my shoes on upstairs (something i still feel guilty doing). me making oatmeal for us to take to work...

i do push through, though. i make it to work. usually late. but things get better once the day moves on. my work is worthwhile. i talk to friends and family. and at the end, i thank God for getting me through another day.

early morning with Jarronn...


  1. I read your blogs when I see you put them up and I am not going to say I cant imagine, because I horrible, lost you may feel. When my grandmom passed, one thing she told me before, when one door closes, another one opens. As I look back, I firmly believe it is true. Life as a strange way of working out, whether the good or bad, every road leads to another. There is not such thing "as a dead end" because you may just have to cross over a mountain, a sea, a field...but eventually it will continues somewhere. Thinking of you though.

  2. Sending hugs and love your way sis..God bless you for being so transparent and even allowing God to use your trial to perfect us all in Him..

    As our Elohim promises to give us our "Daily Bread" and I know that as you lean on Him and trust Him to see you through this, our Elohim will surely give you your "Daily Strength" to make it through each day He blesses you with.. Sending you love from Missouri..

    Love you sis..and I will continue to keep you in my prayers..

  3. J-Mo (my bros and I have called you that since spring 2008 when you gave us a left-over gallon of water following a meeting at Morgan State... we're wack, i know). Anyhow...

    Now, I'm not a crier, ok... lol, but I kinda welled up, you know, when I read ur blog today... I am just soo moved by it all. I think, like you, many of us have sat and stared... and thought... and we can only imagine- and even that brings many to tears.

    If I can offer nothing else, I will share with you my prayer as I prayed it just a month ago... I put my complete confidence in the strength of our Faith in Christ, to direct us all in expressing His divine love to Jessica and her family in selflessness and tact. Even as to provoke her toward a new place of peace and comfort...

    If there be any part of this burden that we distant friends and family can bare, I pray that we bare it... and If there is ever the right thing to say, I pray that it is said... and uhh, yeah... that's it. lol.

    Aight J-Mo (hope that name is cool... maybe J-Mo-Jack?)

    God Bless You!

  4. The Lord would never put anything on us that we couldn't bear. He really loves you, Don't ever forget that. He loves you. Believe me. Your husband was such a good preson that GOD needed him by his side. Girl you are blessed. GOD got something really special in store for you. GOD bless you. Did you win the mega-millions lottery last friday? lol

  5. Jessica, Jarronn wants you to live your life to its fullest just like you both did together.

    I feel you completely. It seems like it is getting harder for me instead of better but I know we are going to make it because that it what he wants both of us to do.

    Love Momma Dukes