a lot of people tell me i'm strong. i don't feel strong. crying myself to sleep doesn't feel strong. tossing and turning all night doesn't feel strong. wailing in the bathroom doesn't feel strong. feeling like i can't go on 25 times each day does not feel strong.
i guess people try to imagine themselves in my shoes and can't comprehend it. they think of how they'd react. but if you had asked me on july 29 how i would deal with something like this, i wouldn't have been able to comprehend it either. the point is, none of us really know how much we can take until we are confronted with the challenging situations of life. and generally, each of us can handle a lot more than we think.
if people want to draw strength from me, that's good. but being strong/staying strong/standing strong is not my objective right now. right now i'm just trying to keep living. to push myself out of bed in the morning. to make sense of life now that my hopes and dreams have been ripped away. to literally take it one day at a time, if not one moment at a time. because that's really all i have strength for.
now if you want to see strong, check out the big man in the red plaid shirt below.