Saturday, August 29, 2009


saturday. i've been staying busy with work, dinner with friends, and guests. it's been good to keep my mind off things. but i couldn't bring myself to make plans for the weekend. the distractions are good, but my fear is locking myself into social interactions and finding myself at a point where i desperately want to exit. plus, i looked forward to the desire i'd been pushing off all week -- crawling into bed, pulling up the covers, and staying there for hours.

saturdays were always my favorite days with Jarronn. he'd usually have something going on in the morning -- basketball or flag football. and then he'd come home, and the day was ours to share. birthday parties, errands, movies on the couch, trips to the mall. it really didn't matter what it was. if i had something to do that prevented us from spending the day together, Jarronn would playfully lay a guilt trip on me for leaving him. i miss him pulling me back to the couch when i insisted that i was going to be late. while i was gone, i'd be looking forward to making it back to him.

Jarronn and i spent lots of time together. and still somehow found time to do lots of things individually. but he always stressed the importance of quality time. he'd make jokes to his boys about how he had to go "spend this quality time" (a la martin lawrence - "you so crazy"). we'd both laugh, because we knew that our relationship never felt like an obligation. and Jarronn constantly thought of ways to keep our relationship new, even after four years together. during our wedding, he vowed to continue to date me throughout our marriage, and i knew he would keep that promise. and i really didn't care what we did. i just loved being together.

saturdays aren't the same.


  1. Jess...i Love you even more for SO honest with everything. I know its hard. I cant imagine how you're feeling, but i do know that you are strong and can get through it. Its OK that saturdays arent the same, its OK that you want to be "selfish" at moments on the plane, and and its OK to miss him. He misses you. Trust me. But he will always be with you. Know that and embrace that. You are an amazing women, and i am so happy to be your friend. Please knoe that i am here for you. Love you girl!!! Mish

  2. i uber enjoyed the "quality time" reference...thinking about you fam!

  3. I bless God that through all of this, you were able to reach down and pull out the ministry of Martin Lawrence!!! The hilarity of that man...Sis, laughter is food for the soul...I may get stoned for this, but Steve Harvey's "Still Trippin'" is a gut puncher! If you feel up to it, holla at me and I will surely scoop that joint for you...

    Love're in my prayers...A-Nu!