saturday

saturday. i've been staying busy with work, dinner with friends, and guests. it's been good to keep my mind off things. but i couldn't bring myself to make plans for the weekend. the distractions are good, but my fear is locking myself into social interactions and finding myself at a point where i desperately want to exit. plus, i looked forward to the desire i'd been pushing off all week -- crawling into bed, pulling up the covers, and staying there for hours.

saturdays were always my favorite days with Jarronn. he'd usually have something going on in the morning -- basketball or flag football. and then he'd come home, and the day was ours to share. birthday parties, errands, movies on the couch, trips to the mall. it really didn't matter what it was. if i had something to do that prevented us from spending the day together, Jarronn would playfully lay a guilt trip on me for leaving him. i miss him pulling me back to the couch when i insisted that i was going to be late. while i was gone, i'd be looking forward to making it back to him.

Jarronn and i spent lots of time together. and still somehow found time to do lots of things individually. but he always stressed the importance of quality time. he'd make jokes to his boys about how he had to go "spend this quality time" (a la martin lawrence - "you so crazy"). we'd both laugh, because we knew that our relationship never felt like an obligation. and Jarronn constantly thought of ways to keep our relationship new, even after four years together. during our wedding, he vowed to continue to date me throughout our marriage, and i knew he would keep that promise. and i really didn't care what we did. i just loved being together.

saturdays aren't the same.