Tuesday, August 25, 2009

missing him

the past few days have had their ups and downs. i went to nyc on friday for work. it was good to have another change of surroundings, but being in the city also reminded me of all of the different things Jarronn and i had done there. the 2005 car show at jacob javitts center. seeing his cousin afi perform at b.b. king's. joe and alicia's baby shower. his cousin marisa's sock party. the lion king and the color purple on broadway. the "slavery in new york" exhibit at the ny historical society. i've certainly been grieving over the past few weeks, but friday's trip really made me miss Jarronn.

i was in new jersey on friday and saturday and felt more of the same feelings. we ate at the restaurant where he had his farewell party before moving to maryland. we drove past the hyatt where we used to go shoot pool. i realized that there's few things i can look at that i don't associate with Jarronn. we shared a lot over the past five years. we were best friends that enjoyed life.

it's been hard to write the past few days. in addition to trying to keep up at work, i've been feeling more than i've been able to translate into words. the mix of emotions have left me feeling tired and a bit overwhelmed. missing him so much...


  1. Hey, sis. It's been a long time but I just wanted you to know that I am praying for you. Katia J.

  2. I miss him too Jess. I'm no longer crying daily. But I've thought of him no less. I'm visiting your blog, recalling stories you would share with me, looking at his FB page...just missing him and his deoendable hungs, and the wonderful spirit that he had. And then, when I'm not thinking of him at all, then memories of him are thrust upon me by everyday, seemingly meaningless things. That's how amazing he was. So I know that you have memories of him in dozens more instances...and easily recall a story about him in hundreds of seemingly everyday things.

    Who can capture "Action Jackson" in words??! Girl, he was an incredible human being! And anyone that interacted with him KNEW that.

    Love you. Praying for you.

  3. Jess, having been away from the computer for the past few days, I'm just catching up on your last few postings, and I have to agree with the comments about your strength and your courage. You may not be feeling courageous, but just the fact that you are willing to open yourself to your feelings ( let alone share them with us which is AWESOME!) is incredibly courageous. A lot of people, myself included, hide away from overwhelming loss. You are truth, and you are amazing. Thank you for allowing me to share in your life.
    I will echo the many voices who tell you to drink juices, smoothies, as fresh as possible, if you can't eat... Do you have a juicer, if not can I get you one?
    Keep writing, and don't stay alone too much. We are with you in thought and prayer, but BE with other people as much as you can... You grace our lives. Onelove always.

  4. Jessica I know just how you feel. There are not to many things around us that does not remind us of Jarronn. Today is the day I am honoring him through music. I am listening to Yolanda and Fred. I am praising God through song and singing and don't care who hears me today in the office. It is just encouraging me and letting me know what my purpose is. Jarronn has shown me this through the Love he exhibited to so many people. He is putting so much in my heart. I know it is him. We can weather this storm together. Sunday will make it a month for us. I count every Thrusday as a week. I will be glad when I stop counting.

    I Love you and I can only imagine what you feel, the emptiness you are feeling your are his wife I am just his mom.